He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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