my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
