you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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