I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
