College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
