You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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