Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
