OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
