That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
