think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
