Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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