is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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