If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Terrible idea I love it
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