I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
