I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
