never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
