My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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