tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
