Need sex. Gaining weight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
