you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
