I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
