end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Randomize
