yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize