I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
