Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Damn victory sex feels great
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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