i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
