My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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