in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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