i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
