I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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