I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
