i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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