i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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