so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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