You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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