We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
