So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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