are you still at the devil's house?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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