i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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