I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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