I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
