my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
