Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
