According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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