Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
