i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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