i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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