i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
