one might say we're banned from that church
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
