; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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