I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
