his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
