it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
