Just cropdusted the office
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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