she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize