He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
