At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
