everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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