This girl is more easily done than said...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
