I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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