I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
