Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My penis needs a shock collar
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
