It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
