She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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