Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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