that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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