Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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