Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
