The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
